just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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