the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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