i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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