I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
