Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
