the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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