Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
