need another drink. this is the easiest way
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
