Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
