I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
