A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
