Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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