Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
