mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
