we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
