At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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