If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
