I swear she didn't look like that last week.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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