I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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