he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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