i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
