Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
