I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
