can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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