when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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