I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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