I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
