Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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