I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
