Whod you bang
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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