i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
