Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
