I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
there was a trapeze. enough said
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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