she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
