Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
