I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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