Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
