I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
