i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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