No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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