Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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