I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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