I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
