either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
