Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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