dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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