You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
