our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
