The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
