literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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