That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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