so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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