everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
