someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
