Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
