i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
