Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My Higher Power is John Stamos
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
