smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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