I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
3pm strippers are depressing
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
