brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
FUCK WHALES
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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