Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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