You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
