90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
