if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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