we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
