Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize