Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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