whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize