I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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