Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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