His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
