I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
