Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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