I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it's like iHOP with fire
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
