OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
